The Christian Husband

Being an Example of Christ

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church,
and gave himself for it.—Ephesians 5:25

Michael Brann

Every experience in life is an opportunity for Christians to grow in grace and to learn more about the Lord as the great Shepherd and Lifegiver. The experiences, lessons, challenges, and opportunities available to those who are male Christian spouses are abundant and fruitful.

The basis of New Testament instructions and guidelines is founded upon many Old Testament principles and passages. Despite some admittedly confusing tolerances allowing for multiple wives and concubines, the original role of the male spouse is placed in a most blessed, honored, and responsible position. We have the confirmatory testimony of the “two witnesses” (Zechariah 4:12-14 and Revelation 11:3) on which to build a clear and positive superstructure for today’s Christian male spouse as a pattern worthy of imitation.

The Male Pattern of the Old Testament

Father Adam was the world’s first husband. God created Adam first, then Eve, and then “joined them together.” This indicates a hierarchy of the family unit and places a special honor upon the man, even though they were considered “one flesh.” In Genesis 2:7,18-25 we read that Adam was the head of the family as first indicated by God’s call and remonstration to him after Eve ate the forbidden fruit (Genesis 3:9-20). Adam was “cursed” for hearkening unto the voice of his wife and partaking of the forbidden fruit as she had done. Although Adam tried to shift the responsibility to Eve by blaming her, he still received the curse. This was a serious lesson in responsibility! One wonders if he asked himself why he was not with Eve when she was being tempted. He may have wondered why she didn’t consult him at that critical moment? Perhaps he wondered if he was an unsympathetic husband or lacked compassion for his wife’s own challenges.

Although not stated directly, the highest honor and responsibility placed on Adam was his service as “priest” of the family unit. Adam (and the custom thereafter falling on the heads of the emerging families as mentioned in Genesis 18:19 about Abraham) had the important responsibility of faithfully worshipping God and instructing his family to do likewise. Most commentators suggest this concept as mentioned in Genesis 4:1-3, especially noting “the process of time” as an annual observance of formal worship where the head of the family would remind everyone of their relationship to God and give him due thanksgiving and praise. He would perform the appropriate sacrifices. Thus he was instrumental in performing a wonderful duty and privilege in the most important of all kinds of relationships: that of reverence toward God and an awareness of the family’s reliance on him as the giver of all that is perfect and good (see Exodus 12:26 and Deuteronomy 6:7). There can be no nobler or blessed responsibility than to bring loved ones to the heavenly Father on a frequent basis.

The Christian Male of the New Testament

Most societies at the time the New Testament was written were male dominated and had a patriarchal structure. Men ruled supremely and there was little opportunity for female expression. There were exceptional women who did rise above the prevailing social restraints and led with great courage, faith, power, and wisdom. These are known in all the various arts, sciences, religion, and politics throughout world history.

The Bible commentator Albert Barnes adds: “It was an important advance made in society when the Christian religion gave such a direction as this [to give honor to women], for everywhere among the heathen, and under all false systems of religion, woman has been regarded as worthy of little honor or respect. She has been considered as a slave, or as a mere instrument to gratify the passions of man. It is one of the elementary doctrines of Christianity, however, that woman is to be treated with respect.”

With the promulgation of the New Testament, and especially the writings of the apostle Paul, the role of women in the social order began to change. Paul seemed about two thousand years ahead of his time in his recognition of the rights and liberties of women and their general equality with males. Compared to the Bible no other book has had such a dramatic impact on the day-to-day affairs of civilized individuals, families, and ­nations. Modern-day culture can trace much of these liberties and freedoms to the Bible as it began to circulate everywhere. In contrast, those individuals, families, and nations that have not welcomed the light of truth from its pages are still very much in darkness concerning the proper role of male and female; in those societies the oppressive, patriarchal system still dominates.

The Apostle Paul’s Counsel

The great apostle Paul gives counsel on the role of the male Christian spouse in at least six of his general epistles. His general tenor was elevating, insightful, and inspiring. Since much of his audience had formerly been heathen, his instruction must have sounded somewhat foreign and extreme. Multiple marriages, fornication, adultery, prostitution, and other such immoralities were apparently common in his day. His instruction was to put away these filthy things and become the husband of one wife, rendering her due benevolence and love (1 Corinthians 5:1; 7:2-4; 1 Timothy 3:2,12; Titus 1:6; Ephesians 5:21-33).

No doubt his greatest and most inspiring commentary on this subject is found in Ephesians 5:21-33. Here he develops a theme and model for emulation, particularly for the Christian man, that is of unparalleled importance. He instructs a husband in the depth and quality of love he must have for his wife. The headship of the husband is maintained, yet with the tempered nature of keeping himself in submission. It is not to be merely a love borne of duty, necessity, or convenience; it is to be of the very highest order: sacrificial love! These are Paul’s words: “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her; that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; … Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:23-28,33, NAS)

These are inspiring words! What wife would not respond to love of this magnitude? What right-thinking husband would prefer anything less than this?

The Apostle Peter’s Counsel

Peter agrees with Paul concerning the proper Christian role of husbands: “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7, NAS). Peter addresses four points worthy of much consideration.

First: Live in an “understanding way.” Pastor Russell comments on this aspect: “The unsoundness of the human mind in general is ­illustrated in the matter of the reckless propagation of the human race. It progresses almost without regard to the laws of health, and almost without provision for the proper sustenance of the offspring, and in utter violation of the laws of nature, recognized in breeding of lower animals, cattle, sheep, horses, dogs. No wonder the apostle enjoins upon the believers the exercise of a sound mind in the use of man’s highest natural power, procreation, saying, ‘Husbands, deal with your wives according to knowledge.’ If this advice were followed, if the spirit of a sound mind prevailed, how much more consideration would be shown for delicate and overburdened wives, by husbands who truly love them—dealing with them according to knowledge.”—Studies in the Scriptures, vol. 5, p. 262.

Second: Peter advises us to “give honor unto the wife, as unto a weaker vessel.” Honor due the wife means more than merely providing for the necessities of life such as food, clothing, and shelter. The Greek word conveys the idea of value, dignity, and respect. In regard to the “weaker vessel” we are not to understand this to mean that women are incapable or weak spiritually or naturally, or of inferior mental endowments; rather she is more tender, delicate, and gentle of nature. Perhaps women are less capable of enduring fatigue and hardship; less adapted to the rough and stormy scenes of life. As such, they should be treated with special kindness and attention, not roughly or in an uncouth manner as men are accustomed to treat each other.

Third: Think of women “as a fellow heir of the grace of life.” As Paul put it in context of the grace of the high calling: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). If the wife is viewed not only as a human spouse but as a sister in Christ with all the same rights and privileges as the husband, it will elevate the relationship to that of “helpmates” or teammates. There is a mutual and equal sharing of the blessings from the Lord to run for the prize of the high calling, of prayer, of fellowship with the Lord and the brethren, of witnessing, of studying, and of seeking wisdom, grace, and knowledge.

Fourth: “That your prayers be not hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). This is a soul-searching summation by Peter. He says our prayers will go unheard by God if we neglect this counsel! How vital it is that we treat wives with the proper love, honor, and respect! General mistreatment of one’s wife whether in respect to sexual matters, disrespect, or a superior attitude, interrupts communication with the Lord of the Universe.

To avoid that dreadful curse of hindered prayer Paul offers additional advice: “In your anger do not sin: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26, NIV). Do not allow differences to linger and persist. As a “priest” of the family enter into the Lord’s presence seeking reconciliation as soon as possible. Avoid thinking some problem will “settle itself” or that time will heal it. William Barclay in his commentary on the letters of Peter writes, “As Bigg puts it: ‘The sighs of the injured wife come between the husband’s prayers and God’s hearing.’ Here is a great truth. Our relationships with God can never be right, if our relationships with our fellow-men are wrong. It is when we are at one with each other that we are at one with him.”

What a great honor, joy, privilege, and responsibility it is to have a wife as a sister in the Lord. We are jointly given many opportunities to exercise and grow in all the Christian graces, walking side by side as helpmates along the narrow way. To exercise the honor of a priest and bring the family close to the Lord in prayer and service, and to love, honor, respect, and consider one another to love and good works, gives meaning and perspective to life in this “present evil world.” Our wives are our com­panions, confidantes, and treasure. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). “Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which he has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life, and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 9:9, NAS).